A spinster eagerly awaits the upcoming leap day in this 1903 cartoon by Bob Satterfield.
1908 postcard of a woman capturing a man with butterfly-net
Women anxiously awaiting January 1
The Maiden's Vow in 1908 - Woman histrionically preparing for Leap Day
In Ireland and Britain, it is a tradition that women may propose marriage in leap years, a practice some attribute to Brigid of Kildare in 5th century Ireland. If the man refused, compensation to the disappointed bride consisted of a pair of leather gloves, a single rose, and a kiss.
A woman taking the initiative is against most world traditions. In Western cultures a marriage proposal is genuflecting in front of the bride to be. The ritual involves the asking of the question “Will you marry me?”” and the presentation of an engagement ring which he may place on her finger if she accepts. The place of the proposal should be special to the couple or beautiful. Catholics may even make the proposals in a chapel or church.
Marriage proposals were historically male dominated. Historically, marriage was a declaration publicly that a man owned the woman and his biological heirs. Consequently, in many countries there is a contract or a written proposal that may be amended before acceptance.
In Egypt, in the Middle Ages, and Renaissance, marriage was strictly a legal arrangement. A groom and his parents might negotiate privately with the bride’s parents. The Dowry, the amount of money the bride had, including any land, was part of the bargain. She might never have even met the groom before she took her vows. In the 1800s, the proposal was made by letter. The groom and his parents would draft a humble sounding letter stating terms to the woman’s mother and father.
In Judaism a matchmaker may select a groom while the girl is small, but the girl, when she grows up, always has veto power. In Islam a girl can turn down an offer in an arranged marriage by having an excuse which she is not obligated to disclose. A marriage proposal might have been sent by the man or woman’s side to the person they want to marry. If the person accepts, the engagement or Khitbah, begins, which is a mutual promise to marry.
Queen Victoria, however, even though barely a teenager and unable to speak German in order to talk to Alfred, did not have veto power with the Crown. Neither do Cambodians, practicing Buddhists.
The diamond ring is the result of the ad campaign of DeBeers Diamond Jewelry that proclaimed “A diamond Is forever.” Cecil Rhodes founded the company in South Africa in 1888. Thanks to N. W. Ayer and Son ad agency, engagement rings were soon expected to contain a diamond, no matter how tiny.
In countries that were under the British empire, the practice of the groom getting down on one knee to ask, “Will You Marry Me?” is still done even though it represented the respect and devotion a knight pledged to British royalty.
Known as the Guo Da Li in China, the groom will present betrothal gifts (gold jewelry, dragon and phoenix wax candles, tea leaves and sesame seeds, wine or brandy) symbolizing prosperity and good fortune as a formal proposal to the bride’s parents. Although the parents deliver the decision, they consult with their daughter, who is free to turn down the proposal.
Likewise in Cherokee society, the formal request for a bride was made by presenting gifts (usually food, blankets, and fine clothing, and later horses) to the bride’s parents, who made the decision to formally accept or reject the marriage proposal after asking their daughter who was free to say No. The Cherokee wife owned the lodge, everything in it, and the children, in contrast to the white settlers’ wives.
Except for communities under strict orthodox religious beliefs in which male superiority is embedded in the rules, modern day couples of any sex are more equalitarian. Heterosexual and same sex couples now shop for engagement rings together and may split the cost. Or they may consider rings a waste and unnecessary. It may be the bride who is financially ready to support the groom. They may live together and have children without getting married. They may exchange selected tattoos. They may buy a wedding band with a verse engraved that they wrote together. It won’t be the heavy iron ring Roman men put on their true love’s middle finger on her left hand. If she balked, the ring was tied to her foot.
Writing Prompt:
2024 is a leap year and you can ask whomever you please--historical figure, movie star, singer, author, the person you loved in high school-- to marry you.
And they will say “Yes.”
Who is it?
Why this particular person?
Write the sentences you will use when you make your proposal.